Lock-down 27 Some more freedom

May 25th

An unusual week, if any week has been normal since March 15^th!

Today, at the end of this week, or the beginning of a new one, I felt very sad, because I listened to the beautiful Evensong sung by my own church choir, but without me. I feel robbed of the things which matter, the choir, church music and the church. Being single and living alone, I lack contact with real people. Others have families, partners, a job. I am retired and have no partner and no children. But what keeps me going, is the church and the choir. I so longed to be part of this Evensong, of which I know the music by heart. I sang the alto part listening to it, with sadness in my heart. When will this come back, and will I be allowed to take part in the choir when services start again? Only a few choir members are allowed to sing at the services, and it would be heart-breaking just to sit in church, - if I am allowed in at all, - and not be allowed to join the choir members.

On the positive side, I have contact again with a brother and his wife, which is wonderful. We have grown apart, especially since the death of our father, and there have been so many misunderstandings between us. Why? I visited them while they were staying nearby in their campervan, and on their way home they paid me a visit in return, which was a very welcome surprise. And I was hugged by them, the first time in months that I had any form of physical contact, and that by family members I had not seen for nearly two years! I did not choose to be a nun or a hermit, so I need normal contact with people in the flesh, not people on screen. That is fine, and a blessing under the given circumstances, but not enough. And a hermit or saint may have people visiting, asking for a blessing or advice. This is like a prison sentence.

We have been robbed of all our important Christian feast days as well, Palm Sunday, Good Friday and Holy Week, Easter, Ascension Day this past week, and even at Whitsun the churches won’t be open yet, but the day after. Why not one day earlier? Isn’t it normal that in times of pandemics people turn to the church for support? They have done so through the ages. Our next feast will be Advent. Is it really true that church services are sources of infection? Even when all precautions are taken and only a limited number of people may attend? Football is allowed, but no church services, concerts, theatres etc. Museums will open, but with many restrictions. Once the churches open, singing is not allowed except by a few choir members at a time. How can people function like that? After almost three months of intelligent lock-down, I think I am giving up.

 Reflection of the blue sky in the water

Fortunately I went out for a three hour walk in an estate with a friend, another chorister. The park was quiet, and lovely. It is quite varied, with fields, copses, wooded areas, farms and cows in the lush meadows, geese with many ducklings sheltering in areas reserved as bird sanctuaries. There is a narrow dike, single track, just wide enough for one person, with ditches on both sides. The verges were full of wild flowers, purple, yellow, white and blue. It was a feast I haven’t seen since my childhood.  We did not meet any people coming towards us which was just as well as the track is too narrow for social distancing. At the end of the path we saw a notice saying it was a one-way path! Just as well we started at the correct end by chance.

 Below: a forbidden gate to one of the fields

Sharing a walk, a meal, and coffee out in the garden at a suitable distance was a real joy.

GP’s also practice again, but visiting them or consulting them is fraught with impediments. So was a visit to the dentist, where I really needed the facilities but wasn’t allowed to as they are closed for the time being. So I said that in that case I would make another appointment and go home, which the receptionist thought maybe wasn’t a good idea. In the end she relented, but I had to swear total secrecy! As if I had any inclination or urge to tell anyone. The urge was a different one!

The visit to the hearing specialist was a more relaxed event. And although I stayed there for one hour and a half, there was no tension whatsoever, just cleaning my hands and after that we did not mention the C word at all.

To cheer myself up, I looked at the fresh and happy pictures of our walk in Wassenaar, at the bright colours and the blue sky. Life can only get better.

Even a dead tree can be attractive